Very early before sunrise on Thursday morning, January 26^th, I suddenly and shockingly noticed something in the study, “My Hopi Prayer”; I’d been looking at almost everyday since last summer.  There was something I’d never intended to be in my painting and yet there it was - part of the plein-air painted landscape.  Not part of the later incorporation of AJ and Bethany.  How did I not see this before?  Has anyone else seen this?

Given the date, was this sudden revelation some kind of sign?  Am I becoming weirder than I already am?  Or did I create this on such an intuitive and unconscious level that I went beyond informed painting and isn’t this what I wanted?  Be careful what you wish for.   I will not have it in the large painting!

A new year and snow everywhere, so I’m in Sutton accessing the Internet at the library now that the weather has improved. Sunday, the first, I did what I usually try to do on New Year’s day  - a little of what I hope to be doing the rest of the year (besides what I must do) – sculpture, drawing, painting, reading, driving and enjoying the scenery.  I didn’t play any computer games and tried not to shop, but I needed milk and you know what happens once you’re in the food store.  Although I stayed busy, the sadness and tears found me anyway.  

The snow began falling lightly on Monday and continued through Tuesday with some accumulation.  It determined what I’d be doing and when.  Which got me to direct serious energy toward finishing some of what I’ve begun here.  OK, I admit I did again play computer games before and during this motivation to work.  I can’t stay away from some of the games.  I tell myself that playing them helps to ward off dementia – let’s hope!  

Yesterday I used solvent to remove most of the paint from a portrait I’d been working on that just needed a new start.  Since I’d already had a window and the front door partially opened to eliminate fumes, I decided to apply a beginning finish to my slow going woodcarving.  A cautious couple of coats of shellac thinned with alcohol (denatured) and it looks good.  Although I did see an area that needs more definition and I’ll work on that this weekend, along with the smaller woodcarving.  I actually have six works in progress, which is another reason why I should be here.

Last Thursday, Dec. 29^th, I realized that I’d been in WV for over two weeks and it was the right decision.  My wood bas/low relief is almost finished and I’ve added a second small relief to my wood carving works/repertoire.   The stress fracture in my left leg is much improved without having to contend with steps and essentially resting my limb without having it be more immobilized.  Easel work was out of the question, since I couldn’t stand for very long.  But I had a chance to rethink some of what I’d been doing and that’s always good.  It’s odd that I work so slowly, even when I have my final work pretty well fixed in my mind.  (I should clarify that it isn’t the actual physical work that is slow, it’s the decisions on how the final work should look.)  Is it my total aversion to deadlines, when it comes to art?  I know how I’d wished for more time when I’d been at the end of my high-relief reredos and really had no time to actually finish the final sculpture until it was installed in the church.  Of course working in the exact light where it was to be viewed was the ideal way to apply the patina.  But that wasn’t even completed until after the dedication.  It gives me no rush of creativity to find myself up against a deadline.  In fact, I’m more apt to make an error – particularly of judgment.  Which was why I had to completely re-do the sculpture for the irreparably damaged original altar front.  I stayed up the whole night before the church dedication painting a replica of it on the plywood base where it should have been installed.  The painting is there under the eventually installed altar front sculpture with a note telling why – if decades from now, someone should look there.  All another lifetime ago….

 

Still can’t do the family oriented holidays.  However, since my reunion and the visits by my friends, I’ve noticed that I’m not so angry – have I mentioned the anger before?  No matter, it seems gone and I welcome that.  Of course, I now wonder how that will affect the still unfinished sculpture – is the work all about that  – is there really any other emotion for me there?  Hmmn - perhaps I should just get back to work on it and find out!

So yes, I am returning to WV this week.  Just can’t stay away for such a long time – the art and solitude call me. 

My WV cabin is where I get to work in solitude and yet I loved having Carol Squires, my childhood friend, stay with me in September.  We did all the sightseeing in a little over a week that I’d done intermittently this past year and a half.  No artwork got done but much laughter and reminiscing were wonderful substitutes – friendship cannot be overrated!

October in WV proved to be as spectacular as I’d hoped and I had the chance to share the experience with Shirley and Marty Mersky, caring friends from PA, who visited and got me out on a day that began with cold and snow and stayed overcast until late afternoon.  But the colors were even more intense with those cloudy skies and although Shirley, an accomplished artist, couldn’t paint, she and Marty did photograph all that we saw.  Shirley loves plein-air painting as much, if not more, than I. 

There’s something about working out in the elements that sharpens your focus and inspires creativity.  Often just dealing with unexpected circumstances (cold, heat, wind, light, etc) forces you to work in ways that are new - something that rarely happens in the comfort of the studio.

So, although I’m back here in PA and planned to be here and in NJ through most of the winter, WV is already calling me back and I don’t think I can stay away that long.

My brother once said that old friends are the best, they knew you when you were really you - before the layers of sophistication and cynicism were added.  They see right through the world-weariness and love you for yourself.  He was right!  My high school (St. Maria Goretti, now Ss. Neumann & Goretti) reunion was more pleasant than I’d ever expected it to be.  Particularly reuniting with my dear friends – the CCC’s (Crazy Characters Club) – Carol, Bernie, Maureen, Kathy and Noreen.  What a joy to see you and catch up!

Just hours back in PA and access to the Internet.

West Virginians are amazing!  They are so kind and friendly and helpful! 

Sunday morning as I was making a left-hand turn in Gassaway, my dashboard lights all came on and my car stalled in the middle of the intersection.  I let it coast as far as it would go to the far left corner curb and turned it off.  Steam was billowing from the hood.  I’d just had the radiator replaced on Friday and was astonished that something was wrong.

Fortunately a gentleman stopped to help and then two more - one of whom, Eddie, was very knowledgeable about cars and after he got info from me on what happened, he looked under the hood and could see that my new radiator hose had come loose.  Anyway he reattached the hose and then spent over half an hour carefully cooling down the system adding what little coolant I had and then water (a kind homeowner let them use his outside water hose), a little at a time until the dashboard gauge was in the cool area.  These men were related and had their wives with them and the women and I stood in the shade while they helped Eddie.  They had me start the car and thought that I’d be OK.  BUT that I had to have the radiator system flushed out ASAP by the mechanic who’d installed the radiator.  I thanked them profusely and Eddie adamantly refused my offer of compensation – as though this was no trouble for him at all. 

Thank you, Eddie!

Today NPR has been playing beautiful music – requiems in honor of 9/11, but at some point I couldn’t listen anymore because it made me so sad for my own lost Bethany & AJ.  If only we could all go back to the day before and have a happier peaceful alternative future.

Shortly – OK in ten days, I’ll be driving back to PA so that I can attend my high school reunion.  Initially I didn’t think I’d go, given my need to continue to mourn.  But many of my friends, some of whom I’ve stayed in touch with for decades, will be there and I finally decided it would be good to see everyone again. In fact, I’m really looking forward to seeing my friends.  All the dreams of teenagers will be remembered and our amusingly inaccurate future predictions.  Perhaps this will keep the sadness at bay. 

Thank you all, who accessed the URL I sent to see the study of the large painting I’m working on!  I really appreciated the many, who replied/or left comments at the website. 

There was a time - that now seems another lifetime - when I routinely sent out updates on my work.  Perhaps it’s something I’ll consider doing again; although I’d hoped that just keeping the website updated would be enough.  But a reminder might be OK.

Finally I’ve put some new work up on the recent work page!  Even managed to do so in the month I said.  Will there ever be any sculpture displayed there?  Still carving, but not satisfied yet – well, I’m not actually working on anything in art while here in PA.

Some of you already know that this is no longer the right place for me to be to work.  Of course I could do some plein-air painting, but the heat has been too oppressive and when it isn’t, I work in the gardens instead.  However, I’m heading back to WV in a few days and I’ll be working then.

Well, I’m still hoping to get some new work up on the Recent Work page this month. But once back in PA the gardens call me and when not outside, there is so much yet to do inside.  Why does art take a back seat here?  Ok I do know why. 

July 6, 2011

I wonder if I'll ever think of West Virginia without thinking of wasps?  It seems that previous tenents at this cabin let the wasps build nests everywhere - under the porch eaves and even in the attached shed.  Although most of these nests have been sprayed and removed, the wasps keep coming around to find new nesting places and I must keep the wasp spray nearby at all times, since I'm severely allergic to wasp stings.

However, I may axphyxiate myself before I get stung again!

Late next week I must return to PA and I'm less than enthused about that trip.  Usually I like driving, but I still have so much to do here.  My friend Carol, calling from the Dallas airport on her way to Paris yesterday, agreed that it doesn't just take 10,000 hours to become proficient at anything. It takes us that long to decide what to do - LOL. 

{A note of warning about Memory Lane/ Classmates.com – beware the automatic billing that is more than triple the cost of the initial year’s membership – totally not worth it!  Better not to sign up at all.)

I’ve been in WV since mid-June, but this is the first time I’ve had a chance to access the Internet.  Surprise! – I’m getting work done instead ;-), although much of that has been housekeeping here at the cabin.  The mice were here while I was away!

Sometime next month I should be adding photos on the Recent Work page.

Dogwoods, azaleas, rhododendrons – May in PA!    

Like other Americans, I’m glad that ObL was found and yet I know it doesn’t change a thing in my life.  But perhaps it will lift the mood of the country and help it move forward more positively.  I do appreciate the Intelligence and Military services' accomplishment and the decisiveness of our President. 

Still in PA working on set designs for Laura.  But I’d rather be driving somewhere – anywhere, the fugue reflex is playing with my mind.  Of course I know why and I don’t want to deal with it.

Perhaps I’ll begin to write about my previous “road trips” here.  Actually much about them is art related and art producing on my part and I did keep partial journal notes on what I’d seen.

This is a beautiful country and so many places are capable of bringing peace and solace.  My favorite is the Grand Canyon, where one could spend a lifetime appreciating its beauty and spirituality.  The Hoh Rain Forrest on the Olympic Peninsula in WA is my next best extraordinary place – who knew there was a Rain Forest in the US?  The gardens, caves and waterfalls on Kauai – obviously not driven to – are still memorable after so many years.  The primal beauty of the undeveloped southern coast of Oregon calls me for another visit.  The beauty of nature is most appealing to me and yet I loved Saarinen’s Gateway Arch in St. Louis, MO and the exhibits in Marfa, TX were extraordinary, as was the Monastery of Christ in the Desert in NM.  Well, I guess I will be writing about all of these places in future posts.

My mother’s small 92nd birthday party this past Saturday, went very well.  She was pleasantly surprised and the family members, who could be there, had a nice time visiting with her.

On Friday I had the opportunity to watch a live video shoot of my daughter Laura’s mini interview show.  I was very impressed by the professionalism of her and her crew.  I know as her mother I’m supposed to say good things and be proud, but really this was way beyond that. 

Returned from a brief stay at the WV cabin.  I would have liked to stay longer, but I must be back in PA and NJ for the next three weeks to a month.  There’ll be a small 92nd birthday party for my mother and I’ll be working on a project for my daughter Laura.  Also, I do have several art projects to finish in PA – OK, finish is probably wishful thinking.

A former teacher of mine at PAFA said that the reason there were guards in Art Museums wasn’t to keep the artwork from being stolen, it was to keep artists from finishing their works.

How does one ever let go?  The smallest thing can trigger memories that are wonderful, yet still bring the waves of sadness.  I so miss my Bethany and AJ. 

Well, having returned from GA and immediately become ill with the flu, I won’t travel during flu season again without first getting a flu shot.  How long has it been since I’ve even had the flu?  Odd, physical illness is so concrete, yet still far less painful than my losses. 

Although it’s overcast today from last night’s rain, I’m enjoying the upper sixties and even seventy-degree weather here in Georgia.  So, I’ll be staying a little longer, rather than returning to the anticipated additional snow that PA & WV will get this week. 

It’s so easy to forget that it’s still winter here and my dear friends, the McDevitts, are wonderful hosts!  I really appreciate this downtime, even though my soul is still mired in turmoil. 

It’s snowing, so I’m here, late in acknowledging 2011 - the new year, another decade begun – could it ever surpass the sorrows of the past decade?  I know, - the never-ending grieving process just flows into the new year unabated.  

But I am working – OK, sporadically at best  - on a small mixed media painting from my stay at the Abbey and a small wood relief carving.  The carving is an exercise in keeping up my carving skills and yet I still have a recipient for it and am working as intensely as usual.  That is when I’m actually working.